december 2012 & a year end summary

it is my goal to have our

christmas decorations up 

on the first of december.

as usual, i had an idea

come to me at the last minute...

you know, when everyone else

has been planning this for weeks:

advent.

instead of dollar store toys

and candy, we had an act of

service written down for each day,
in hopes of cultivating a spirit
of giving and gratitude in the 
midst of consumerism.

we called it "the giving tree".

 

the girls really seemed to enjoy it,

but the boys were a bit too young.

***
i set the giving tree up during the day and

 that night, we pulled out jason's grandparents'

old christmas records, decorated the tree, read some

christmas books and drank homemade hot cocoa.

there are always little squabbles between siblings,

but that night was seriously wonderful.

 

***

on the 6th of december, 

i attended my midwife's book signing. 

it was a joy to be there 

and i am so proud of her.

her book, Born to Deliver,

is an incredible story of redemption

and bringing beauty from ashes.

i wouldn't recommend it if i didn't mean that.

it's awesome. 

go read it.

***

we continued our yearly tradition

of driving around to look at christmas lights.

this year, jason and i had coffee from starbucks

and he bought the kids their own hot cocoa.

there's just something about that red cup!

they thought it was pretty awesome. =)

***

ali girl lost her first tooth

and cried once it was gone.

she refused to look in the mirror

because she was "afraid she wasn't pretty anymore".

it breaks my heart 

that kids worry about that so young. 

i think she's 

pretty darn cute either way,

and it is my prayer that she is seen 

not only for her outer beauty,

but for her inner beauty--

..."the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

1 peter 3:4

***

the girls and i spent

time preparing christmas gifts together.

they made chains and turned them into 

necklaces and rings

and i made scarves for their teachers and principal.

i also put together dish cloth sets for my mom, mother in law

and sisters in law and fingerless gloves for my sisters. 
i have since made a few dish cloths for myself
because it's such a quick project and i 
love having something to keep my mind and hands
busy, besides social networks!
***
 every year,
we each choose a new ornament
for the tree.
last year, we made them...
and it was kind of a bust.
don't ever by off brand 
sticky dots, mmkay? 
they don't work. 

so this year, 
we went to target instead...
which is always a good place
to go, if you ask me.
all sydney wanted was
a horse ornament, but
there were none to be found.
luckily for sydney,
she has a handy daddy
that is good at making 
things work--
they bought a horse figurine
from the feed store and jason
drilled a hook into it at home...

voila!
a horse ornament.
i have a feeling this
will always be an extra special
one to her...

 ***
the girls received a fish tank
as their "big" gift this year,
so jason snuck into their room
christmas eve night and set it up for them.

 

we had nice christmas with our families
and wrapped up the year with friends.

***

it was a really tough year.
i am thankful for this blog
and the fact that i wrote our story
down, because if i hadn't, i am
pretty sure i no longer would have
believed that we were led here by the lord.
we were so, so broke, so behind on bills
and crushed in spirit.
i asked jason one time if he thought
anyone believed us anymore or if they
thought we had been foolish.
i still don't know the answer to that question,
but truthfully, it doesn't matter.

in acts 21,
the lord told paul to go to jerusalem.
others came and warned him
--through the spirit, even--  
not to go because of what would 
happen, but he was obedient to the lord,
KNOWING he would be bound, saying he would
even die so that the lord's will would be done.

so you see, the focus is on obedience
 to the lord's will, not the opinion of others.
we had no idea what the year would hold.
we still aren't sure *why* 
we are doing what we are doing...
but it isn't necessarily for us to know,
at least right now.
we walk in faith, knowing that we are
here for a reason and search out the
heart and will of the lord for us.
we've had many, many opportunities
to have others into our home.
we have had many instances of tangible
ways the lord has provided.
we have a fuller, stronger testimony
that has blessed and encouraged others
to keep carrying on...
and that makes it worth it.
we aren't here for us.
we aren't here to be comfortable.
we are here for a reason
and though it brings trials
and suffering and tears,
there is beauty.
there is depth.
there is hope to carry on...
and the knowledge that this is only a season.
and for that, i am thankful.










 

my source of joy

our seemingly perfect story
threw me for a loop when we moved in.

of course, it all started with
the huge extra expense at closing,

but things really went downhill after we moved in.

i had already been struggling because
the current state of the kitchen is a down grade,
and we didn't even have money
to paint or refinish the wood floors.
those things would have at least
made me feel like i was doing something to make it mine.
i desperately wanted to make the house look like home.

my frustrations were all cosmetically based,
or so i thought.

the water pressure was so low
and there was so much air in the pipes
that it literally took me 3-5 minutes
to rinse the sink with the sprayer
while jason was trying to get a "shower".
meanwhile, he was getting water in short, air filled bursts.

 

when he hooked the washer up,
it took forever to fill up with water...

but for some reason, it never stopped filling. 

we came upstairs to water all over the floor.

when we tried to drain it, it backed up into the kitchen sink,

spilled all over the counter tops and onto the floor,

resulting in water coming through the basement ceiling, too.

trying to hold back tears, i managed a half smile and said,

"we've never been on an adventure like this house, have we?"

jason assured me things would be ok.

this was temporary.

still, i felt dejected.

because of the water pressure, i couldn't use the dishwasher.

that's a lot of dishes to hand wash,
and a lot of lotion for my rough, sandpaper hands.

i thought the oven was too hot,
so i bought an oven thermometer.
my suspicions were dead on...
it wouldn't stop at the set temperature.

 i finally shut it off once it reached 500 when i set it at 350.

all of these things were overwhelming me.

i couldn't function in my role
as a wife, mother and home maker;

not feeling like fighting it,
i felt myself withdrawing.

i buried myself in books.

it kept my mind busy.

i holed away in the basement, working on my new blog...

in the dark.

i wanted to be left alone.

part of me wanted to go back "home".
i cried, questioning the lord and myself.

the only time i felt happy about what we had done
was when i was outside.

i was reminded of the blessings:

my kids could play in their back yard for the first time.

they had a swing set.

we have land.

we have a small farm.
it's what we've always wanted.

finally, i gave in and listened to the small voice inside--

"the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.

he wants your joy."

 

of course.
it all made sense now.

even though the lord had made himself so evident throughout the whole process,

 i had forgotten that if things aren't perfect, 
it didn't mean he hadn't called us here.
satan wanted nothing more than to divert my focus
and make me doubt, taking the glory from the One
who had orchestrated this faith filled journey.
i had let him succeed.

but i had a choice to make,
and when i saw the effects my "despair" was taking on my family,
the choice was easy.

he wasn't stealing my joy

my heart rejoiced as once again, i fell into my source of joy.
i allowed myself to be held, to be comforted, to be encouraged.
while struggles are ever present, that isn't to be my focus.
my focus is jesus.
he is my source of joy, my constant, my hope.
suddenly these things weren't so important.
 

if these things were all in the past, 

 of course it would be easy to say that now, right?

none of those things are fixed yet,
and i can tell you honestly that i feel that way.
i cook on the stove top or use the crock pot,
and do laundry at one of our parents' homes.
dishes are done by hand every day,
as both sides of the sink fill with water while it slowly drains.


things are tough, but i am sustained.
it's only a season.
it will pass.

be encouraged today, and keep your priorities in focus.
things really aren't so bad if you think about how blessed you are.

thanks for reading.